The Way of The Superior Man: Book Review

The Way of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire is a book by David Deida that addresses important topics of interest to both men and women, especially those comfortable with timeless ideas and paradigms from Eastern thought, as well as modern-day “post-New Age” language. By all accounts, this book has become something of a standard by which other books in the “romance, relationships, sexuality” self-help genre are judged. For some people (many of whom are women), it ‘hits the nail right on the head’, regarding the emotional and sexual needs of both sexes.

I read this book at the behest of a former girlfriend, who insisted that the author’s versions of the Universal Masculine and Feminine were not being properly honored in our relationship. I say the “author’s versions”, because, in my opinion, he greatly simplifies both of these archetypes, and I have trouble relating wholly to his dichotomy. According to Deida, about 90% of all people (straight, lesbian, gay, or otherwise) identify strongly with one of the poles (yin or yang, feminine or masculine), and indeed need this polarity to engage in a loving relationship. His point is that modern social structures have blurred the lines between the masculine and feminine to the degree that they have adversely affected our sex lives and our ability to relate to our needs and wants as a couple or individual: we are afraid to be man, or be woman, in the archetypal sense. Of late, these oft-mentioned deficiencies in modern relations are well-documented, and you can find a slew of titles geared towards today’s renaissance man and the quest for sexual and spiritual reclamation. All of these books really express the same general points: be a man, know what you want, don’t talk about yourself, and be confident. And – women aren’t rational, but that’s part of the fun. Also, it helps to be funny and give compliments. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Whenever I am introduced to a book, I can immediately tell if I can relate to it by its vibration; I simply pick up the book, look at the front and back covers, flip through the pages and wait. I’m sure you can understand the experience, as we’ve all been through this process while browsing aisles in a book store, or hovering over a friend’s bookshelf. You really know when a book resonates with you, when you want or need to read a particular book, because you are drawn to it. I have to say that this book did not really resonate with me at first. The topics seemed timely, and the writing straightforward enough. Perhaps therein lay the problem for me: the book and the language seemed somewhat simplistic and repetitive. Deida seems to reduce the whole dynamic between men and women down to a few simple principles, repeated over and over again for emphasis.

Here is a man who is undoubtedly “successful” at relationships – he’s obviously learned how to honor the ‘mystery’ and unpredictability of the Divine Feminine. He understands that he can never truly ‘understand her’, in the way that men understand each other – by their viewpoints, their words, and their character. He is a dominant man, and knows what he wants, and therefore women want him, and he never denies his own attraction to the unspoken ocean of potential that is the feminine nature. Deida speaks of the passionate man who is self-motivated and unafraid to achieve what he wants in life. As he states, he not only makes love to his woman, he fucks her with all of his being, and she loves him for it. He knows himself as she will never know herself, because she is endless and has no boundaries.

Overall this book is a pretty quick read – as a bedside book it might take you a few evenings or so to get through it. Although I did not feel an overwhelming sense of universal truth radiating from this book when reading it (high expectations I know), I do believe it has some interesting points, especially for the man or woman who identifies strongly with Deida’s archetypes. For me, I suppose I find the whole idea of ‘mastery’ or ’success’ with the opposite sex to be a bit over-hyped. If you identify as a romantic (like myself), you may find the work to be a somewhat overly pragmatic and simplistic approach to life as a Spiritual Man. But if you absolutely must read it (at the request of your significant other), then you should get through it without incident, picking up a few solid points along the way.